Oh Shi-

Well, it finally happened. Just now I lost Photoshop. I was resizing my books pages (in case the printshop wouldn't do that for me tomorrow), and when I was on opening the 8th picture, the computer went into its usual funk of not responding to anything. Rebooted the blighter, but when I wanted to fire up Photoshop it gave warnings that some things in the C drive couldn't be found. And along sank the ship of Photoshop.

Tan isn't happy. I'm very worried even. This most likely means that I won't be able to make a powerpoint presentation either for tuesday (even though it should only have 6 slides. 10 minutes is SHORT). Perhaps I should just do it hardcopy. Bring the big flowchart, bring the book, adress the pages involved, discuss my personal point of view and game trademarks and have it done with.

Glad I have three back-ups of the book. But the pages are supersize. I'm just hoping by the gods that the printshop will allow me to go "hey, erm.. these pages, can you print them as 50x20 instead of 127xsomething? Its not good to have nearly 3 meters of book when you have it open. 1 meter is insane as it is.. but the font is about 10 px at that, so heavens hope people can read it.

Am panicked about it, really. I really won't be able to make ANOTHER presentation. Four prelims and two majors exams is about all my nerves can take. I hate this phobia. Why am I so goddamn scared of doing presentations? I've danced in front of a 2000-head audience, solo. I've done numerous plays and performances. I've been to job interviews that had me defending my art, and none of it was nearly as frightening and paralysing as doing presentations.

What am I worrying about? The teachers have all told me they were excited about my book, they had a good feeling about the final outcome, the book is finished, the games work, tests have been conducted, people have been talked to, research was done, graphics are finalised, I reached my goals, it's all there. I think it's the mere idea of the possibility of failing it AGAIN is what freaks me out very, very much. All signs point into me become a Bachelor of arts and technology, but all my mind is looking at is that 5% of not being there yet. It's like standing on a well-travelled path over a grassy field. No rocks, no obstructions, nothing. But my head will only look at the one big tree somewhere in the field, worried that I'll bash my head into it and break my skull.

It's stupid. But rationality is just... not.. working.