Recap!

Well, two weeks later it is! The exam went alright, I managed to stay within the time limit I was told to work with. (actually, I made my presentation for 10 minutes, expecting to be long-winded enough to fill 20, which I nailed nearly to the second.)

I got an alright grade for presentation as it was, but since I'm incapable of keeping information really concentrated and tend to get lost in my enthousiasm for what I've done, that they downed the grade lower to keep me aware of this. (which I think is thoroughly unfair. Its quite harsh to give someone who has an incredible phobia for presentations a fairly low grade to start with and THEN pull it down even lower. Hows that for my confidence? It's pretty mean, but I can understand their reasoning. Agreeing is something else, but oh well.)
The concept itself, the basic thought and idea behind my game, got an awesome grade, and I'm fecking proud of it.
In the end it became a 84 page book, and I think it looks very pretty. I've been complimented by the looks of the book that it invited to be read. The questioned my colour choice, but after a few minutes showing my optioned colours, they agreed that my, yes.. chocolate brown, was in fact the best option. In all its a very floppy, long, big and colourful book, but I'm really happy with it. It's done and yay!

Now, stage 2. I'm currently finishing up my last points to get my diploma (dutchies, it's the 26th at 5, in Utrecht Hofman, with Mark and Sander (and hopefully the Pirate and the Duke) and working on my portfolio to be sent around (or rather, cleaning it out). Besides that, I really enjoy having the time to play warcraft, watch movies, watch silly video's, listen to new music, and draw again. And I really notice how my hands are rusty. Sitting behind my tablet is uncomfortable as bum, my shoulders aren't used to it anymore. My fancy brushes seem awkward now, I've gone straight back to hardedge only penpressured brushes to paint with. I've also sketched a lot in my sketchbooks, and even stranger.. they are all humans. Worse still, they're all women! (and one tree for Isak)
I forgot my camera cable at my parents though, and my scanner has been broken for a long time, so I can't transfer those sketches at all. But I could show you some of the drabbles. They're no good, I'm clearly very rusty, but alas.. I didn't take on this blog to be in a comfort zone. Mind you, I'm so rusty with drawing humans (its been almost three years I've looked into humans seriously, somewhat) that I'm training with references.






Interesting lighting to train with.. but I definately need more practice. A lot more. But I see things I'm starting to like. The skin colour of the japanese girls chest and her kimono, and the spots of light on the red face (who is Arcipello, but did not quite succeed in likeliness). Thats nice, have to keep that in mind.

Other than that, it's spring today. One of those days that the seasons visibly turn. When the world appears happy, I'm a lot more happy too. I'm not really very happy on other days, but I will not talk about it :)

One month untill the redhead comes over, I'm quite scared. One month untill I come over to the Swedes, I'm quite scared too.

Oh Shi-

Well, it finally happened. Just now I lost Photoshop. I was resizing my books pages (in case the printshop wouldn't do that for me tomorrow), and when I was on opening the 8th picture, the computer went into its usual funk of not responding to anything. Rebooted the blighter, but when I wanted to fire up Photoshop it gave warnings that some things in the C drive couldn't be found. And along sank the ship of Photoshop.

Tan isn't happy. I'm very worried even. This most likely means that I won't be able to make a powerpoint presentation either for tuesday (even though it should only have 6 slides. 10 minutes is SHORT). Perhaps I should just do it hardcopy. Bring the big flowchart, bring the book, adress the pages involved, discuss my personal point of view and game trademarks and have it done with.

Glad I have three back-ups of the book. But the pages are supersize. I'm just hoping by the gods that the printshop will allow me to go "hey, erm.. these pages, can you print them as 50x20 instead of 127xsomething? Its not good to have nearly 3 meters of book when you have it open. 1 meter is insane as it is.. but the font is about 10 px at that, so heavens hope people can read it.

Am panicked about it, really. I really won't be able to make ANOTHER presentation. Four prelims and two majors exams is about all my nerves can take. I hate this phobia. Why am I so goddamn scared of doing presentations? I've danced in front of a 2000-head audience, solo. I've done numerous plays and performances. I've been to job interviews that had me defending my art, and none of it was nearly as frightening and paralysing as doing presentations.

What am I worrying about? The teachers have all told me they were excited about my book, they had a good feeling about the final outcome, the book is finished, the games work, tests have been conducted, people have been talked to, research was done, graphics are finalised, I reached my goals, it's all there. I think it's the mere idea of the possibility of failing it AGAIN is what freaks me out very, very much. All signs point into me become a Bachelor of arts and technology, but all my mind is looking at is that 5% of not being there yet. It's like standing on a well-travelled path over a grassy field. No rocks, no obstructions, nothing. But my head will only look at the one big tree somewhere in the field, worried that I'll bash my head into it and break my skull.

It's stupid. But rationality is just... not.. working.